her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
