She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
