I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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