Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
