I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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