i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
