im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
high people should be assigned attendants
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
