you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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