I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
