I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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