i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
