I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
