My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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