I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
