she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
