The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
