You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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