I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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