Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
