About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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