Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
