i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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