I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
