sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
