Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
