My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
