Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
