I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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