my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
