i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
