I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
