He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
