Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
