The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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