I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
