I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
