Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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