the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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