You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
