i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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