Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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