Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So apparently I’m into choking now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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