don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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