i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
