This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
