He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
