that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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