I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
