I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
