I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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