Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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