i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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